YESman

So, we use different words. We use them to make people understand what we say. We hear them to understand what we are talked about. I guess everybody noticed once at least that in context, I mean between the lines there are more useful information than in the words themselves. We hear intonation, rhythm and rime, the tone and can understand what is meant under words describing it. So, the phrase like «Thank you verrrry much!» in words means that somebody is going to thank you and roughly it means that he appreciates that you did something well or you helped him. But… if to take the intonation and all so-called nonverbal signals it may also mean… Sure, I guess, you had a lot of situations like that: it may mean, said ironically, that you did something awfully bad, and worried the man pronouncing such phrase in such manner. So, roughly speaking, it means that you did something bad from the point of view of the pronouncer. And in so doing, even innocuous «thank you» can express hate, defiance of slighting attitude as well.

 Our attitude to the reality is a decisive thing in our life. Facts and events are different, but neutral. What makes them to be conveyed by a meaning is our attitude. That’s exactly what I’d like to focus your attention on. How to be effective and successful? There are a great deal of different strategies and trainings which offer different methods. But the problem is that these strategies, materials and skills are also neutral per se, if not to fill them with our attitude and not to envelop them with a context.

The same thing concerns our vocabulary. Now it’s generally proven that all the negative particles in the speech make a negative and restrict our vision. So, it really seems better to say «I’m sure» instead of «I don't hesitate» or instead «I can't» – just to say what you really can.

So, if such linguistic modal operators are so harmful, why do we use them so often? It seems that they do have something useful, or they fulfill some significant and indispensable operation? Yes, that’s right!

They are very useful, because we mostly use them for defense, I mean psychological defense. It’s quite interesting, but our brains work in a very self-preserving way: if it feels on the subconscious level that this or that task or aim is actually too hard for it – it tends to rejecting and forgetting it. And it’s quite normal! Just imagine what we would do if there were no such preserving mechanism in our brains! We would easily go mad then! If there were no restrictions in attempts to do something impossible and, as an example, we were offered to imagine and realize the eternity of the Universe, we’d became crazy, I can tell you. Or what miserable things could probably happen with our mind, if we tried to imagine the world in five dimensions and had no brakes for this hard action, which is evidently beyond our brains?! I hope you understand me…

And I think you also understand that brakes and restrains in our reality do have to exist. Moreover, they are indispensible. But are they indispensable for all cases and all the time? To check it, let’s try to come down to earth from the Universe, and set more easier task for our long-suffered mind, than the imagining the world in five dimensions. For example, to turn the report in time. Please, note that this should be an easy task, and «the report» means here «10-page description containing the main results of your ordinary job for a month» as well as «in time» means that you have one week at least.

What restrains can prospectively appear in this easy case? Maybe, your surroundings eternally telling that the paper job is so boring, bureaucratic, non-productive  - dreary in one word? Or maybe you feel here no motivation or such job is quite uninteresting for you, despite you perfectly understand that it’s necessary and useful for any teamwork and collaboration? So, if the next time you face the same situation – just stop in the middle and try to eavesdrop on your current thoughts about it or just try and listen to the words you are describing it: what words do you use? Negative words, I guess, right? If not – just stop reading, if «yes» – let me ask a question, please: «How do these words influence your reality, I mean – how do they impact and change your attitude to reporting?»

 Right, negative words show a sad picture. Even if you understand that making a report is necessary. And moreover, it’s a pity, but it very often becomes the single angel telling about all your activity and good deeds to others, especially to your managers etc. So, it turns out that you work hard for several months and became so close to a mistake and irresponsible execution only on the most important and last point of your diligence, which can in a very bad manner reflect the whole great period of your devoted labor with significant mediatory achievements and results.

Maybe, it’s not that case where it would be necessary to defend? Maybe, this restraining model of thinking simply became a bad habit? It may be.

Finally, I propose to you to think on this question all by yourselves. The main idea I’d like to present is that negative words make your reality negative. It may turn out, that being totally afraid of the Hell, we have been already creating it – by means of the gloomy and hopeless attitude. So next time try to understand and prove – why instead of «I can’t» and «It’s awful» don’t you say «What I can is the first step» and «It will become beautiful some day». Because it will do, if you really believe. I’m sure.